Of Pride & Prejudice

During the latter half of 1981 and throughout most of 1982, the United States experienced a recession, the second successive downturn since the start of the decade. Small towns like the one I grew up in, in northwestern Pennsylvania, were hit particularly hard. The kitchen remodeling, roofing, siding and downspout industry was just one of the many casualties of that era; it also happened to be the industry my father drew his livelihood from. As if times weren’t bad enough for him, in and of themselves, my Dad also lost the love of his life, his bride of 34 years, my mom, to cancer in May of 1981 following a valiant battle on her part. Between the thrashings of those dual storms, my father’s business was completely annihilated, leaving him without any means of staying afloat for very long. Dad spent many months looking for work everywhere he could but nobody seemed to be hiring.

I was just 16 years old, bullheaded and impetuous, and I hated seeing my Dad struggle like that. So, I approached Mr. B to see if he could help. Mr. B was the father of a neighborhood friend of mine, whose house all of the neighborhood kids gathered at on weekends. He was kind-hearted and generous and he always treated all of us kids with the utmost respect. He was also the President of our local bank and, as such, the poster-boy for class, success and connections. If anyone could help my Dad find work again, it would be Mr. B. And, he did just that! Mr. B made some calls and, seemingly overnight, my Dad had a new job opportunity before him.

My Dad was mad as hell at me for approaching Mr. B. His foolish pride had convinced him that asking anyone for help would somehow make him less of a man. He did not believe in accepting “gifts” from others either. However, due to the dire nature of his circumstances, he took the job, a job he would stay at until he retired.

Humility is the ability to give up your pride and still retain your dignity.

Vanna Bonta

Pride is one of the Seven Deadly Sins and, according to Saint Augustine, it is the very essence of sin, the one that leads to all the others. Father Jerry Kistler, rector of St. Stephen’s Anglican Church in Montrose, Colorado says that such fierce independence “is cosmic arrogance. It shows its ugly head in our belief that our way is always the right way, in our conceit of our own abilities and in our contempt for the abilities of others.” (1)

Life is a perpetual game of give and take; I scratch your back, you scratch mine. We are all in this game called “life” together. Nobody is great at everything; we each give according to our own individual capabilities and strengths, both of which can vary greatly at different points in time. It’s not up to us to judge worthiness. This applies to receiving the same as it does to giving. Receiving a gift, really receiving it, is a sign of gratitude and respect to the giver. Not allowing others to give to us, whether due to self-esteem issues or, worse, because we don’t think the giver is in a position to give to us, does two equally sinister things: it reeks with undertones of judgment and superiority, because clearly we know what’s best for someone else AND it robs the giver of the feeling of contributing to their fellow man or woman. The first is pompous and the second is selfish.

I can tell you beyond any shadow of a doubt that Mr. B loved helping my Dad out like he did. He helped all of us kids out over the years and countless others throughout his storied career. As I have gotten older, I have been blessed to be able to be both a generous giver at times, and a gracious recipient of the mercy of others many more times than I can possibly count.

To all those who have ever given with the intent of lightening my load, which at times has been prodigious, I offer my heartfelt thanks.

by jon m ketcham

(1) The Deadly Sin of Pride, Fr. Jerry Kistler, Montrose Press